by Cyrus Grant

The only thing funnier than hearing a good joke is hearing a good joke while stoned. Today, Tough Mama’s serving some high laughs with 28 of the funniest weed jokes, puns, and tweets on the internet.  

All you have to do is relax, get a little stoned, and enjoy. Also, yes, Mama gives you permission to pull a Dane Cook and pass these jokes off as your own. Mama’s no snitch.

Best Weed Jokes 

• What did the frog say when he passed the bong to his frog friend? Rippit.
• I told my doctor I was having problems with my joints, he told me to roll them tighter. (Or, you know, you could get a pre-roll from Tough Mama.)
• What do you get when you mix laxatives and weed? Shits and giggles.
• How does a stoner recite Shakespeare? “Doobie or not doobie.”
• Chicken pot pie. My three favorite things.
• I just bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
• What’s the difference between a drunk and a stoner? The drunk will run a stop sign, the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
• Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? They both love to spark up joints.
• Confucius says, “he who smokes weed on toilet, is high on pot.”
• The other day my friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.  I guess he was high on my list of priorities.
• I used to smoke weed….I still do, but I also used to.
• Making plans with a stoner is like being with a prostitute. They tell you they’re coming, but you know it’s a lie.

Best Weed Puns 

• Stoner? I hardly know her!
• What do people smoke in France? Oui’d.
• What do you call a stoned King? Your Highness.
• Let’s make like a hippie and blow this joint.
• Like marijuana and snacks, wee’d go well together.
• What do you call a computer that smokes weed? High tech.
• If weed puns are a sin, I’ll see you inhale.
• Where’s the best place to eat when you’re high? A potluck.
• Looking for a good weed reeference.
• Sorry for my bluntness, that’s just how I roll.
• Hit me baby one more time.

Best Weed Tweets

High Tier Cinema

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

— Spencer L. Hicks (@SpencerLenox) March 29, 2012

Watching a documentary stoned > watching a documentary not stoned.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

why tf weed only legal in 36 states i thought we were the UNITED states

— navi ✰ (@prettyboynavi) March 11, 2022

Some bomb-ass weed is the one sure thing that can unite us all.

Good Vibes Only

why tf do supermarkets drug test employees. if a man gotta put 250 cans of tomato sauce on a shelf he should at least be vibing

— Meme Mag (@memesImao) June 16, 2020

Just keep us out of the chips aisle.

Ahh, the Sweet Sweet Smell of Some Bud

People who are really into weed will hand me some weed and be like “doesn’t this smell exactly like caramelized strawberry cheesecake” like no mf that smells like weed but i appreciate your enthusiasm

— Ernesto (@ErnieP35) January 8, 2019

Where do we apply to be weed sommeliers?

Learning From Your Own Mistakes

And we thought our 100mg YOLO SHOTZ needed a warning.

BONUS MEME

Looking for more laughs? Check out our post on our favorite weed memes!