by Tough Mama
Mama doesn’t talk to Reggie anymore. Look, we all have to start somewhere, but, we all have to move on to (literally) greener pastures someday, too. The point is, you may still be a little punk, but you can do better than Reggie weed. And as always, Mama’s gonna teach you how — here’s what you need to know to spot nasty Uncle Reggie when he shows up and how to make better life choices when it comes to your kush curation.
Where Did This Shit Even Come From
Reggie, meaning “regular” if you follow weed culture mythos (but who really knows), weed is a kind of catch-all term for low-quality, low-grade, cheap, shitty, bottom-shelf weed. Like lots of slang, the name can be a regional thing — we say “Reggie” in LA, but you might hear ditch weed, skunk weed, schwag, shake, or whatever elsewhere. No matter what, the meaning’s basically the same.
While the rest of us civilized humans (and skating Mama apes) are living in a weed renaissance where many of our favorite strains are grown in extremely curated, controlled environments and naturally engineered by people way smarter than us, anyone can grow Reggie weed (even your dipshit Uncle Reggie). It’s usually grown outdoors in uncontrolled, totally unregulated spaces by complete non-professionals, and often shipped across the US border from Mexico in bricks.
And you know what Mama always says: Nothing good comes shipped in bricks. Because it’s unregulated, Reggie weed can be just as full of twigs, seeds, and random plant parts as it’s full of pesticides and who knows what else.
What’s It Like?
Since it’s basically just a general term for fairly shitty weed, Reggie can be a lot of different things. But in Reggie World, you’ll mostly find sativa-dominant strains ranking somewhere at a C- to B+ at f**king best, if we’re using a grade-school scale, in terms of quality.
Here’s the real kicker, though: most Reggie weed clocks in with THC levels around 15% to 18%. And that, my children, is really low. Long story short, calling it mild is, uh, putting it mildly. The moral of the story is that Reggie ain’t gonna get you very high, full stop. On top of that, its flavor profile (which might be kind of a generous description) is grassy, burnt, or smoky, and its smoke is usually harsh and scratchy, like inhaling a pile of leaves that your dad’s burning in the front lawn.
Know Your Enemy: How to Spot Reggie Weed
Luckily, especially since Mama happens to be a monkey, you don’t have to be a weed-ologist to spot Reggie weed with your own two eyes, 10 fingers, and two (hopefully) nostrils. Just use the senses that Mama gave you, including that common sense, and you can tell that weed is of the Reginald variety in a few different ways:
- 👀 Use your eyeballs. Brownish, yellowed, gray, or pea-soupy tones are a good hint that you’re dealing with Reggie. So are lots of twigs, seeds, and other plant parts.
- 👃🏽Give it a good sniff. Act like you’re classy enough to know wine, because Reggie weed almost never passes the smell test. Most of the time, it’s gonna smell like dirt, dry hay, old grass, or straight-up skunk.
- 👉🏽 Feel it up. Is it dry, flaky, and airy? Does it crumble like leftover grass clippings? Does it leave weird dust all over your table? Congratulations, it’s probably Reggie.
You Can Do Better
“I ain’t smoked Reggie weed since back in the day when I first started smoking, that shit weak. I know wassup I stay smoking that loud shit.” — Urban Dictionary, 2017
The yin to Reggie weed’s yang is just straight-up good weed. So, remember that thing Mama said about THC levels? Let’s compare and contrast: while Reggie weed usually maxes out somewhere around 18% THC, punchy legit zaza like Tough Mama’s pre-rolls pack 25% to 35% THC. Good weed like that also has more terpenes for more tasty, complex scents and flavors as well as a more consistent burn rate, so it smokes smoothly.
But how do you spot that loud shit with the naked eye? Here are a few green flags to look out for:
- 💎 Crystals, crystals, crystals. Not the kind that your ex bought at Erewhon, but those sugar-like sprinklings and amber fuzzies on a nug are masses of trichomes, which indicate that the bud is rich in cannabinoids, terpenes, and T-H-C.
- 🤤 Powerful scents. Most of the time, a top-shelf strain has a scent with an identity. You’re gonna notice it, whether it’s spicy, mossy, fruity or floral.
- 🧽 A firm sponginess. That nug of weed should have a firm give, kind of like a tennis ball, which indicates a healthy density.
- 💦 A little bit of that sticky. Enough hip-hop songs have taught you that you want that sticky kush, but really, you want it because a little stickiness means lots of trichomes, lots of resin (sometimes even on your fingers), and a well-moisturized plant.
- 🍃 Vibrant colors. While Reggie weed is dull, the good shit is anything but. Deep emerald greens and even those hues of royal purple or dank orange are signs of quality
So now you know, and even better than that, you know that separating the good good from the Reggie weed is pretty easy to do when you know what you’re looking for. Even when you’re high as f**k.