The Stoner’s Guide to Surviving Christmas
Published on December 1, 2022
You hear that distant ice cracking? It’s the sound of Mariah Carey being freed from her polar slumber to assault your eardrums every time you go to the grocery store for the next three months. And it sounds a whole lot like those cynical corpo-Santa commercials and the shrill sound of your Q-anon aunt at the holiday dinner you’re forced to attend.
But it ain’t all bad. Even if you don’t celebrate baby Jesus or Coca-Cola Santa, the holidays might just net you some downtime, lots of killer food, and a good excuse to show some love to the best people in your life. And we know just the way to turn all the shitty stuff into a wonderfully chill stoner Christmas for the ages — it all starts with a few puffs of that Jolly Green.
The Two Strains of Christmas
OK, so technically sativa and indica are the two strains of, like, all the time. BUT, we find that the two main strains are really well suited to different seasonal activities in ways that are kinda perfect, elevating “oh please no,” to“bearable,” and all the way to “actually, I’m having a pretty good time right now.”
Here’s how to optimize your 420 Christmas with a holiday date that’s always down.
Sativa strains like the sticky sweet Iced Lemonade you’ll find in our 1.6-gram infused pre-roll are kind of a “daytime high,” even if you smoke ‘em (or in the case of our YOLO Shotz, drink ‘em) at night. Sativa highs are bright and bold, stimulating your creativity and churning up feelings of straight-up euphoria. Because sativa is more energizing like that, it really lends itself to high-energy, hyper-colorful Christmastime events like
- Christmas parties
- Opening tons of presents
- Christmas caroling
- Ice skating
- Touring wild Christmas light setups (we implore you to do this, trust us)
- Going to a holiday concert
- Christmas dances
- Watching Batman Returns or Bad Santa
On the flip side, indica like that Big Block in our big ol’ hemp cone blunt can help encourage feelings of peace and relaxation, which you might just need as half your family gets wound up tighter than a gnat’s ass this December.
Take advantage of indica’s de-stressing potential for
- Pre-gaming family dinners with your conspiracy-buff cousins
- Centering yourself while wrapping presents (good luck)
- Reading nice Christmas stories to the little ones
- Winding down with hot cider on Christmas Eve
- Ignoring everyone screaming about Starbucks cups
- Watching A Charlie Brown Christmas and Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas
Make Meals (a Lot) Merrier
Even if you don’t like Christmas, there’s a pretty good chance you can find something to appreciate among the Christmas grub spread, whether it’s honey ham or that giant tin of different types of popcorn. (Pro tip: fight the munchies by mixing the caramel and cheese flavors.)
You’ve celebrated Danksgiving, now it’s time to make Christmas food ascend to the next level with two key allies: cannabutter and Tough Mama’s Berry Crush Yolo Shotz.
Say what you will, but Xmas is like the X Games of baked goods. Whether you go the DIY route or buy it premade, butter infused with cannabis oil turns delicious treats into full-on experiences. Work it into Christmas classics like gingerbread, sugar cookies, brownie brittle, fruit cake, rum cake, peanut butter buckeyes, or (extra) sticky toffee pudding and you’ll just about guarantee some Christmas cheer.
On the Christmas cocktail side, one little $15 bottle of Berry Crush Yolo Shotz makes the Christmas party way better — you’ll get 20 canna-cocktails with 5mg of THC each outta that naughty little boy, and the berry flavor suits the season. We recommend a Cranberry sauce cocktail — here’s how to make it:
- Fill a rocks glass with ice
- Add 2 tablespoons of cranberry sauce and 1 1 serving of Berry Crush to a rocks glass
- Top with ginger beer and garnish with a lemon wedge
Couple sips of that and you might just change your mind about the holidays.
Dankify Your Decor
Why go red and green when you can just go green? Ditch the nutcrackers and creepy animatronic reindeer in favor of some merry-juana themed decor. Make it a stoner Christmas — make it your Christmas — with decor that celebrates your love of leaf:
- Extra Large Cannabis Wreath by 3rd Street Inn ($46.99) to let the whole neighborhood know it’s about to be a 420 Christmas on these streets.
- Weed Gift Wrap by Unblushing ($5) because the holiday calls for a different type of rolling paper.
- Etsy’s selection of weed-themed ornaments (Varies) so you can hang up a bulb that says “Happy Holi-Daze” or a gingerbread man smoking a fat one all while supporting indie artists.
- Cannabis Light Set by Kurt Adler ($27.99) to light up your holiday while you light up…other stuff.
- The Rainbow Cannabis Christmas Stocking by Discrete Unlimited ($19.99) because it looks sick and offers a not-subtle hint about the kind of stocking stuffers you really want.
- The Original Weed Christmas Tree ($329.99) if you just want to go completely extra this Christmas.
Green Up Your Gifts
Getting stuff is cool, and giving stuff is even better. It’s a great way to show someone how much you love them without having to pay a therapist to tell you how to do that without making it weird. Don’t let crusty traditions keep you from infusing your gifting with a big touch of ganja.
Here’s what’s on Tough Mama’s Official Stoner’s Wishlist this year:
- Light-Up Merry Kushmas Ugly Christmas Sweater ($59.99) that’s guaranteed to be used every time your giftee inevitably gets invited to one of those f**king sweater parties.
- Weed and Cobras Deck by Roger Skateboards ($60) so they think of you every time they kickflip (it says “20% skateboarding, 80% weed and cobras” and we agree).
- Kind Buds Candle ($8.99) because it’s always good for Grinches to keep a few cheap oh-shit-I-forgot gifts, especially ones that smell like cannabis.
- High Art: The Definitive Guide to Getting Cultured With Cannabis by Robert Lambrechts and Estefanio Holtz ($15.99) because it finally answers the question, “Is there an edible that will help me understand Cubism?”
- Weed Men’s and Women’s Crew Socks by Aksels ($14.99) so that you can finally make the gift of socks into something cool.
- Mini Mofoz by Tough Mama ($32.50) to fill your friends’ stockings with up to 40%THC in an incredibly cute (but still tough) form factor.
For people who aren’t feeling the holiday vibes, the trick to surviving Christmas is finding ways to inject the things that define you into a time of year that feels like it just doesn’t get you. Think of it like making a playlist in a genre that you don’t love — with a little digging, you’re gonna find enough deep cuts to put together a tracklist you can dance to.
And like a much hairier Elf on the Shelf, Tough Mama’s here to help you dig deep down into that spot where you keep your long-lost holiday cheer. Just take a few deep breaths and exhale all that smoke like a jolly little Christmas chimney.