Ask Mama: How To Do a Weed Detox
Published on March 14, 2023
Although it seems like a crazy idea to Mama, some people consider doing a marijuana detox every once in a while. That means no weed for at least 30 days. The horror.
Some might want to do it just to get themselves feeling reset, but Mama knows the real reason is that they probably need to pass a drug test. Whether you’ve decided your body should be a THC-free temple, or you need to get your pee clean, Mama has you covered.
(Oh, and a cool sidenote, California is banning employment discrimination for marijuana use, meaning you’ll only have to do a weed detox in California if you want to, not because someone wants your pee…what a weird thing when you think about it.)
What is a Weed Detox?
A weed detox is a reset of sorts. It’s about clearing out all the THC in your system so you can feel brand new again…okay not really brand new, but you’ll pass a drug test if you need to. How do you typically accomplish this? Unfortunately, you have to stop using weed for a certain period of time (we’ll get to that in more detail in a bit). The goal is by taking a break, you detox your body, leaving no traces of THC you — we’re talking clean pee, blood, saliva, the works.
This isn’t to be confused with a T break, which tends to be a bit shorter and just aims to reset your THC tolerance, so you aren’t progressively smoking your wallet dry.
How Long Does it Take?
The generally agreed-upon timeline is usually 30 days (or more if you can will yourself through). While 30 days is the standard, that can be slightly different based on a few things like your body type, your consumption habits (how often and how much you smoke/consume), and even some random genetic factors.
If you’re going for a true, natural detox, there are a couple of things you can do to make the process as effective as possible. And while they all take time, they all work to benefit your body in different ways. The name of the game is getting your metabolism up so you can speed up the detox process.
(The alternative is something like an oil change, and if you don’t know what that is, trust Mama when she says you’re better off getting yourself detoxed the natural way. Spoilers, you basically catheter clean urine up your pee hole. An absolute hard pass on that one.)
No Weed for 30 Days
Mama already talked about this one, but unless you’re desperate and willing to try some pretty messed up stuff to maybe get your pee clean, the only way to truly detox is to go no weed for 30 days. It doesn’t sound ideal, but there are worse things in life. Plus, it’s only temporary.
We’ve all heard of “sweating out the toxins,” and it’s a real thing. While simply sweating won’t substantially cut down on the detox time, exercising can possibly help the process be more efficient. Some cardio or weightlifting will help you burn fat, which happens to be where THC traces hang out in your body.
By exercising, and thus burning fat, the rate at which your body can metabolize (process) THC will increase. We’re only talking a couple of days at most, but worst case you’ll be able to validate hitting the munchies extra hard when you get back to getting high. Best case you can rip a bong AND be ripped. Nice.
Change Your Diet
Again, speed up your metabolism, and you speed up your detox efficiency. Certain foods and food groups help get your metabolism kicking, which in turn helps your body get any remaining THC out quicker. This means changing your diet to include things like
- High protein foods such as fish, lean meat, nuts, and even dairy (if your stomach is cool with it).
- Chili peppers, or more specifically a chemical called capsaicin, which can be found in a variety of spicy foods.
- Beans and legumes, which are things like peas, black beans, peanuts, etc. Not only are these high in protein, but they also contain dietary fiber, which everyone can use honestly.
Drink More Water
Everyone should stay hydrated, detox or not. But you aren’t here to join the ways of the hydrohomies, you’re here for the best ways to do a weed detox. Well, not only does water hydrate you and help clean out your system, but it can also help boost your metabolism, which, again, is the key to a proper detox.
Don’t overdo it though, chugging water until you could power a fire hose won’t substantially speed up the detox process, and can actually even be dangerous.
Drink Tea or Coffee
While it’s not a guarantee for every person, some studies suggest that drinking tea or coffee can actually boost the effectiveness of increasing your metabolism when used alongside an exercise plan. Could be science, or it could just be that being wired at the gym gets some people grooving.
As Mama already established, the only way to do a real detox involves time away from weed. Despite what google and random chat forums say, a lot of quick detox info is based on myths and wishful thinking.
Some things to be careful of on your detox journey include stuff like
- Detox kits – These will pop up if you start googling hard enough, but the truth is there isn’t much evidence to support they work, and even worse, they have the potential to do more harm than good.
- Cranberry juice – You’ve probably heard someone talk about chugging cranberry juice to pass a drug test. No guarantee this will work, but even if it does, it’s not for the reasons you might think. Cranberry juice doesn’t actually detox or get rid of the THC in your body, it just has the potential to cover it up in a urine test.
- Other liquids (like vinegar or green tea) – Again, do enough googling and you’ll find all kinds of claims. Things like drinking vinegar or green tea are similar to drinking cranberry juice, in that there’s a slight potential it can dupe a drug test, but you aren’t actually getting the THC out of your body.
Whether you want to do a weed detox to reset your body or to pass a drug test, time away from weed is one true method. Tough Mama understands we could all use a refresh every now and then, and the good news is that she isn’t going anywhere, so her warm, hairy arms will always be here to welcome you back to all the magical things weed has to offer.