by Cyrus Grant
Not all stoners are alike. While you’ve definitely seen some stoner stereotypes, have you ever wondered which category of stoner you fall under? Well, wonder no more, ‘cuz Tough Mama is bringing you the stoner sorting quiz, so you can know what kind of stoner you are once and for all.
Get your stoner cap on and answer these questions to see which stoner category you fall under. (Try and keep track of how many times you pick each letter — as in you picked “C.” 6 times, for example — as that’s how you’ll figure out your final results.)
1. Which of These is Your Preferred Method of Getting High?
- A. Just a classic joint or blunt.
- B. Give me a pipe or a bong.
- C. Just a nice vape.
- D. Edibles or some sort of liquid THC.
2. It’s Saturday Night and Your Hanging With Some Friends, What’s the Move?
- A. Hope someone has a little weed and see where the night takes us.
- B. A large supply of cannabis, my favorite bong, and whoever’s house has the comfiest couch.
- C. Definitely just want some high-quality weed and great conversation.
- D. Let’s get crossfaded!
3. What Do You Look For When Buying Weed?
- A. It’s green and smokable.
- B. I want me some frosty nugs.
- C. Everyone knows it’s all about the terpenes.
- D. Ummm, which one has the highest THC?
4. How Often Do You Smoke?
- A. Mostly just when I’m with friends.
- B. Yes.
- C. It depends on how I’m feeling and what’s in my stash.
- D. Sometimes often, sometimes not so often.
5. You Just Finished Smoking, What’s Next On the Agenda?
- A. Maybe a concert or movie with some buds.
- B. Uh, scrounge up some munchies and get the next bowl packed.
- C. Enjoy whatever beverage and meal pairs well with the strain I smoked.
- D. Party time, bitch.
6. How’s Your Stash Looking?
- A. Are you talking about the mason jar in my closet?
- B. Like a mini-dispensary in a drawer.
- C. In climate-controlled storage away from direct light.
- D. My friends usually have weed.
7. What Are You Watching When You’re High?
- A. Binge-watching my favorite cartoon or anime.
- B. Honestly anything will work.
- C. Nature documentaries all the way.
- D. I prefer listening to music.
8. What Time of Day Do You Usually Smoke?
- A. Usually after work.
- B. Trick question, time doesn’t exist. But, like, all the time.
- C. Sativa earlier in the day, Indica later in the day.
- D. Whenever someone hands me weed tbh.
9. How Do You Feel About This Meme?
- A. I swear people are going to know.
- B. Okay, how did you get this picture of me?
- C. I keep the eyedrops on deck.
- D. And that’s why I never leave home without my sunglasses…even at night.
10. And How About This One?
- A. HA! That’s pretty good.
- B. It do be like that sometimes.
- C. Guilty.
- D. Wait, am I the problem?
11. What Would You Name Your Favorite Piece?
- A. Uhhh, I just use rolling papers so I’m not sure what you’re on about.
- B. BongyMcBongFace.
- C. I call my Stündenglass Gravity Infuser “The Hourglass.”
- D. IDK, but I love Mini Mofoz if that counts.
Mostly A: The Casual Smoker
You smoke, but you probably aren’t a “stoner.” That’s okay, nothing wrong with getting high and hanging out with friends every now and then!
Mostly B: The Classic Stoner
Pretty high chance you currently have or at one point had a Bob Marley and/or Sublime poster hanging somewhere in your room. You are THE stoner, and don’t ever let anyone fuck up your vibes.
You probably spend a good portion of your day on some level of high. It’s no surprise when your birthday or the holidays roll around and you all of a sudden have a new set of socks with cannabis leaves printed on them. Just make sure they aren’t forgetting to gift you some nice prerolls or vape pens too. Everyone loves the classic stoner.
Mostly C: The Cannabis Connoisseur
Terpene charts, smoking apparatuses hidden in plain sight as home decor, and an acute palate for all things cannabis — you are the cannabis connoisseur. For you, smoking is a holistic experience. Down to the details of the cannabis you choose, you want a curated experience. Some might call you fancy, but being passionate is something to be proud of.
Mostly D: The Wildcard
Labels can’t lock you down. Somedays you’re a casual smoker, others you’re a classic stoner, and sometimes you transcend them all and are just fucking unpredictable. Hey, life gets boring without some variety, you let that freak flag fly.