If there’s anything you’ve learned from your monkey Mama by now, it’s this: life is all about experiences. F**k money, f**k things, embrace memories, and appreciate what’s fleeting. And while there’s a whole lot more to say about being cali sober (and we’re gonna say it), the spirit of the thing boils down to taking control over your experiences, even – or especially – those experiences that are a little more elevated. Mama knows California, and Mama knows California sober – so keep these fundamentals in your (now much clearer, hangover-free) mind, and you’ll do just fine.   

What Is California Sober?

Like a lot of weed culture, there’s not a hard definition of California sober written down in some price-gouged college textbook that you’re still in debt over. But the gist is basically this: when you go Cali sober, you cut certain addictive substances out of your life – most commonly booze, sometimes hard drugs – and replace them with less harmful alternatives. Usually (and definitely as far as this article is concerned), that less-harmful alternative involves a good amount of weed. So rather than being full-assed sober, it’s that California-state-of-mind sober.   

Cannabis business consultant Andrew DeAngelo puts it this way, “Cali sober is a different take on intoxication and sobriety. It allows for individual interpretation and tweaks. If you want one glass of wine with your evening joint and still call yourself Cali sober, sure, go ahead. If you want to smoke copious amounts of weed and say you’re Cali sober, knock yourself stoned. The important distinction is who is in control.”

Tough Mama Gets It – So Do Tons of Others

Especially as you get older, it makes total sense that alcohol just doesn’t serve you or your body anymore. You might not need that whole “social lubricant” thing as you become more sure of yourself, and you definitely don’t need hangovers. And you’re not alone – Cali sober is on the rise, and it ain’t going anywhere. 

According to Berenberg Research, people in their 20s drink about 20 percent less per capita than older millennials did in their 20s, and about 64 of the younger gen Z people polled plan on drinking less than older generations. Likewise, the Cannabis Drinks Expo reports that in some states where weed is legal, average wine sales have dropped by 16.2 percent while average beer sales have dropped by 13.8 percent. Take some comfort in that – you’re not just living the 420 blaze it everyday life, you’re blazing some trails, too.

Going Without That…

Even though the Cali sober lifestyle is gaining traction, drinking is still a huge cultural thing with huge cultural clout, and that often comes with a shitload of peer pressure. Take it from a skateboarding, 6-foot-tall talking gorilla who loves infused pre-rolls – it can be rough to go against the norm. 

But like DeAngelo says, “Cali sober means not being addicted to any intoxicant and having a balanced relationship with cannabis and psychedelics as an additive to good living, not something that takes away from life or gets you all strung out.”

Still, we’d be here all day if you wanted Mama to justify why cannabis alone crushes booze for the Cali sober, but everyone loves lists, so let’s just hit the highlights: 

• Flat out: cannabis doesn’t cause hangovers, let alone the hangxiety you might experience if you’re anxiety-prone. 🤒
• Weed is a lot more socially flexible, both in party situations and your day-to-day. Like, a boilermaker before work is a problem. In most cases, a hit before your shift or an edible before bed is not. 
• ‘Light’ beer my hairy ass – the average can has 103 calories. A single shot of whiskey has 116. The biggest blunt you’ve ever seen has 0️⃣.
• No one’s saying the act of smoking anything is good for you, but you have plenty of non-smoking options for consuming cannabis. There’s only one way to consume booze, and when you drink too much of it, you’re looking at potential problems like high blood pressure, heart disease, liver disease, digestive problems, memory issues, a weakened immune system, and an increased chance of developing mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
• On the flipside, some of the most well-researched potential health benefits of cannabis include: lower blood pressure, reduced inflammation, and lessened feelings of stress and anxiety.🍃

And this one’s a little less scientific, but that whole “social lubricant” thing has some weird implications. It implies that you need to be someone else to socialize, and Mama doesn’t believe that at all. Get a little high instead of blitzed, and you might find that those social interactions are a little more authentic.  

…and Rolling With This

OK, so that’s some stuff to smoke (mentally) as you navigate your way through Cali sobriety, but the lifestyle isn’t all about missing out. Sure, you’re forgoing some choice chemicals, but it’s more about broadening your experiences with more self-care-oriented options that you can explore. 

Mama knows you, so Mama knows that smoking weed is a given here. But beyond that, it’s a wide playing field, and you’re in control of it. Just to kickstart some good Cali sober times, here are a few totally non-alcoholic things that Mama suggests exploring: 

• CBD-infused ready-to-drink cannabis beverages offer a level-headed low-key experience, but THC drinks have entered the fray, too – we’re talking hangover-free buzzes in the form of tea, sparkling water, soda, coffee, kombucha, and more. Or take it to the next level by adding THC or CBD oil to your own canna-cocktails, or swapping tequila for a THC-spiked shot.🍹
• Edibles. I mean, come on, you knew this. Savory, sweet, substantial, or snacky, you can eat your weed in virtually any form you can imagine. 🍬🍫🍭
• CBD in general. It’s as versatile as THC when it comes to delivery methods, easy to access in states where weed isn’t legal yet, and lets you choose to enjoy lots of THC’s benefits without a psychoactive experience.
• Psychedelics are having a health-conscious comeback, and for good reason – not only are they a low-risk good time in the right environment, but recent findings also suggest they may have long-term mood benefits. 💫🙃🌈
• ‘Euphoric’ bevvies that use ingredients like adaptogens, nootropics, and more to curate low-key feelings of bliss.

And you know what? If it’s the hard-drinking scene that’s getting to you, you can make strides to replace feelings of FOMO with the “joy of missing out.” Sometimes, being Cali sober is just about finding a little slice of inner peace. 🧘 

Cali Sober Gone Wild

Look, this is Tough Mama. There’s a non-zero chance that if you’re reading this, you going California sober doesn’t mean you want to go soft. And while staying home and chilling out is great, Mama’s here to tell you that going hard is still 100 percent an option in Cali Sober Land. 

We already covered the psychedelic thing if you’re into ascending, but trust Mama: you can go full-on, buck-assed Cali-f***king sober on green alone. You know Mama’s own cone blunts pack 1.6 grams of weed, oil, and terps, and cured resin-infused YOLO SHOTZ mean you don’t have to give up on slamming a few back – each lil 2-ouncer crams in a ridiculous 100 mg of THC, so you basically just bought SHOTZ for the party. At 5mg THC per serving, that’s tons of solo shots, shots to keep the party going for hours, or a whole cadre of bespoke THC cocktails. In more chill settings, it’s a sippable high that’ll keep you stoned till the sun rises on the last DJ set or the final philosophical convo. 

And when you slam those SHOTZ down on the table, remember what Demi said: 

I’m California sober

It doesn’t have to mean the growin’ part is over

No, it ain’t black or white, it’s all of the colors

That I only just discovered.

Monkey God help me, Mama taught you better than to smoke moldy weed, right? Right? Right???

OK, let Mama catch her breath. First of all, you need some basic answers, like, does weed get old? And if it does get old, does weed go bad? Like most things in life, those answers are a little more complex than “yes” or “no,” but you know Mama loves educating her stoner kids on all things weed-related. So settle down and light up, class is in sesh-ion.

How Weed Ages

Yes, technically your weed is already aged since it’s been harvested, dried, and cured into that lovely nug, we’re all very impressed by your “but ackchyually,” professor. After that harvest, though, over time, flower can break down, especially as it’s exposed to direct sunlight, harsh temps, or too much moisture. 

Like Inverse says, “weed doesn’t really ‘go bad,’ its chemical makeup just changes.” Because the nug loses its cannabinoid and terpene count in not-ideal conditions, chemical breakdown causes a reduction in potency, flavor, and aroma. After a year, your flower will lose more than 15 percent of its potency, then nearly 30 percent of its potency after year two, and so on. 

Similarly, too much heat and not enough light can cause the bud to retain too much moisture over time, leading to potentially moldy weed. According to Healthline, old weed that isn’t moldy shouldn’t cause any serious health issues. But it’s a whole lot less fun and you do not make Mama proud when you smoke dry, weak, old ganja. Keep it dank, please. 

How Long Does Weed Stay Good?

There are tons of variables here, but the general rule of (opposable) thumb is that properly stored cannabis flower keeps for about 6 months to one year before it starts to lose its potency, according to pros like High Times and others. 

What to Look For

How can you tell if your weed is still fresh, strong, and tasty? Always trust your nose. Older weed will be less aromatic than the good stuff, and super ancient weed might lose its signature scent profile entirely. If a sniff test picks up on anything that might resemble moldy notes at all, give that shit a proper funeral and bury it at sea – moldy weed can cause coughs, nausea, and vomiting (or worse if your immune system isn’t in the best shape), and it just ain’t worth it.

You can use those beautiful hands Mama gave you, too. Fresh flower should be firm but with a bit of give when you squeeze it, like a nice sticky tennis ball. If the nug crumbles like sawdust instead of feeling sticky when pulled apart, it’s older than Mama’s mama. If it feels like a dish sponge, it’s too moist, and you should be extra careful of any signs of moldy weed in that case.

Speaking of moldy weed, the musty, hay-like smell is a giveaway, as is an off taste. But you can also spot small, powdery white dots or fuzzy spots with your eyeballs – not to be confused with those trichome-rich hairlike pistils that make weed so good and sticky in the first place.   

How to Keep Weed Fresh

Weed that’s lacking in punch and flavor and packing extra mold doesn’t sound good to anybody, so how do you keep it fresh? Luckily, it’s not as hard as getting your GED was.

Zipper bags, tins, Tupperware-like stuff, and that fake Pringles can you got from the headshop in 2009 aren’t really the best – they let in too much air. Go with something airtight, like a mason jar. Glass is good overall because static from plastic containers can trash your flower’s trichomes, which can have a negative effect on both cannabinoid and terpene count. 

Flower does best in a cool, dry place, stored sealed at about 55% to 63% humidity. You don’t have to be a scientist to gauge that, but you can get a feel for what that’s like by looking at the weather report’s humidity and comparing that feeling to your weed storage environment. Or, if you really want to impress your Mama, you can get a hygrometer for under $10. Speaking of fancy (but more expensive) kit, you can also invest in a weed humidor, a canna-specific type of humidity-regulating storage box that will serve the double purpose of impressing all your friends. 

Cannabis, like Robert Pattinson, loves the darkness. Temp-wise, go mild, ideally below 77 degrees Fahrenheit, but not freezing (do not freeze your weed, remember what we said about moisture). Basically, you want low light, low moisture, even humidity, and low oxygen exposure. Easy peasy. 

Vape Carts, Edibles, and More

Because a virtually limitless amount of food ingredients can come into play, the rules for storing edibles are a lot more situational. In general, it’s good practice to keep edibles in their original packaging and store them in a cool, dry, shady place, unless they require refrigeration. I mean, it’s food child. On that note, you’ll always want to default to the storage tips on the manufacturer’s packaging – they know best (like Mama).

As for your vape carts and pens, keep them out of direct sunlight for the best shelflife. Because they’re already pre-packed in handy dandy airtight carts, you don’t really need to worry about the humidity and oxygen exposure stuff. Try to keep ‘em upright, though, to keep the oil at the bottom of the cart for a smooth pull. And if you’re preparing for the weed-pocalypse (it’s 2022, man, you never know), keep in mind that some types of weed goodies store better than others. Mama’s own YOLO SHOTZ stay good for over a year – and it’s never a bad idea to have an emergency stash, cause you never know when you’re gonna need shotz.

Hopefully, when the words “how much weed is that???” 😲 come out of your mouth, it’s in the best possible way. Sometimes, though, it’s a legit question because a good amount of weed sizes and general weed weight lingo just feel like a random grab bag of the metric system, the U.S. customary system, and stuff people came up with when they were high (because they probably did). As always, though, you can count on Mama to help you make a little sense of this crazy world. 

P.S.: Ever since Mama sent you off to kindergarten, you were a visual learner. So Mama’s included some handy visual aids throughout this article that will help you imagine just how much flower we’re talking about.

Basic Weed Sizes 

From the dog days of dealers all the way to the bougie air conditioning (yes, when you’re from the jungle, AC is bougie) of dispensaries, you’re gonna see a lot of the same measurements floating around. These are a combo of metric and U.S. measurements, and conveniently enough, there’s no trickery here – the measurements in Weed World™️ are the same as in the real world. 

Here’s your basic primer, and Mama made you some flash cards just in case you need ‘em:

• A gram (g) is small – it’s one one-thousandth of a kilogram (a kilogram, by the way, is just over 2 pounds)
• An ounce (oz.) is exactly 28.3 grams, but you’ll often find that it’s an even 28g when it refers to cannabis. Usually, this is legally the biggest amount of weed you’re allowed to buy from a dispensary at once.  
• A half is, shockingly, half an ounce of weed. That comes out to 14 grams.
• Mama knows you’ll get this right on the test: a quarter is one-quarter of an ounce, or 7g. 
• So how many grams in an eighth? I knew you’d ask. An eighth is – wait for it – an eighth of an ounce. Which comes out to 3.5 grams.   
• A milligram (mg) is a teeny tiny droplet of a thing – it’s 1/1000th of a gram, a measurement that you’ll usually see in edibles, oils, and tinctures. 4,929 milligrams of water fit into a single teaspoon.

The Slang n’ Stuff

OK, get ready for Mama’s very own personal edition of Urban Dictionary, just for you. I mean, technically, stuff like “half” and “eighth” are slang. But you know weed makes you creative sometimes, and here’s where weed sizes and weights get, uh, really creative. It’s OK to ask your friends what TF they’re talking about here, cuz we’re not all lifelong High Times subscribers.   

• In some places, a can is slang for an eighth. Get used to these.
• Mama wasn’t joking – a cut is also an eighth. 
• A dime bag is a lil’ plastic baggie of weed that costs $10. It’s usually about a gram. Maybe it actually cost a dime back in 1932 or something, but inflation. In the midwest, you might hear it called a sawbuck.
• A dub or dub sack is a double (dub-le, get it?) dime bag, so $20 or 2 grams worth of weed. Also known as a tinnie or a 20 bag (you’ll never guess what a 40 bag is).
• An eify? Another word for an eighth.
• A G is just a gram of cannabis. Easy peasy.
• Half-O means half an ounce, but it’s also a good nickname for the shorties in the friend group.
• Some Brits call an eighth a Henry because they love funny words and blood sausage (big brain: it’s a reference to King Henry VIII and used to be a safe code word for weed). 
• In the ‘60s, a lid was a popular way to say an ounce. And that was before Mama’s time, don’t even with me right now.😡
• More rarely, you might hear quad, which is two eighths. 
• A QP is a quarter, or quarter pound. And now Mama has opened Postmates.
• Some people also call an eighth a slice. We’re finally done with these.
• What’s a zip of weed? Easy, it’s just an ounce. No one knows for sure, but people say that this is because an ounce of weed fits right into a Ziploc bag. I really hope you’re not going to dispensaries where they sell stuff in baggies, tho.
• A zone is an ounce. For some reason?

Lots of these apply more to buying weed on the streets, so you won’t hear them as often now that we’ve evolved into legal dispensaries, like you evolved from me. Still, it’s good to know your roots and also good to be cool at parties.

How Much Weed Is In…? 

Look, we live in a beautiful, shangri-la of ganja – Mama doesn’t want to “back in my day” you, but all I’m saying is, things are pretty good. That said, the variety that we have access to also makes for a whole lot of, well, variation. So while you can safely set a baseline of expectation for lots of common pre-packaged weed products, in terms of weight, just know that there are no hard and fast rules for exactly how many grams or milligrams of cannabis, THC, or CBD each type of product contains. But you can always see the precise amount on the package.

• On average, a pre-rolled joint has about 0.3 grams of weed. 
• A blunt, which is beefier, usually packs about 1 to 2 whole grams of cannabis. 
• Most commonly, you’ll find vape cartridges come in .5 gram/500mg or 1 gram/1,000mg sizes (just like Mama’s do), though .3 gram/300mg disposable carts are also popular. 
• Vapes are designed to dole out a specific dosage per hit, with a .5 gram cart offering a ballpark of about 150 puffs while a 1 g cart can get you up to 300 pulls.

Because edibles take the form of all kinds of foodstuffs and…drinkstuffs?…you’re gonna find a much wider range there. Some edibles contain as little as 0.5 milligrams of THC per serving, even though Medical News Today says that 2.5 to 5 mg is commonly considered the lowest effective dose. Typically, edibles feature about 5 to 15 milligrams of THC per serving, or around 20 mg for heavy hitters. Of course, the whole package might contain a lot more THC in total, but we’re talking about single servings. 

*Disclaimer: Please do not smoke a bowl of Fruity Pebbles or a Switch’s worth of weed, Mama taught you better than that. Have some YOLO SHOTZ instead, they’re good for you.